2011 has to be our year.

Our last chance for a 2010 baby ended today. It’s funny how 1 trip to the bathroom can ruin your whole day. Sorry...TMI I know, lol.

I remember a year ago I was telling Mr. B that if we get pregnant this month we will have a 2010 baby. I was so excited (as you may or may not know I’m all about numbers) because it’s an even year and the beginning of a new decade. So in 2011 our child would be 1 and 2012 our child would be 2 and so on. I was born in 1980 so it was easy to tell how old I was based on the year. Also this is the year I turn 30, which is again an even year and the beginning of a new decade. I just thought it was meant to be.

But here I am, starting a new cycle, and not nearly as excited. It’s not that I’m not excited to have a 2011 baby...it’s just that we don’t already have a baby. That it’s been a year since I had my second fertility work up and we’re still childless. I’m starting to lose hope that we will ever have a baby. Maybe it’s just not meant to happen.

I have a Dr’s appointment tomorrow to go over my charts and my 7dpo progesterone for this cycle, which was 30.1. So I did ovulate at least. I’m sure he will tell me I can do another round of the Clomid or go on to the RE. I think I am going to ask him to do an HSG or Laparoscopy again like he recommended before going to the RE though. I just think my insurance will cover it better from my OB then an RE. You know they see the word infertility and decline all the claims.

For now I sit here with my glass of wine and shattered dreams. Infertility sucks.

What’s another month?

It’s 7pm and I’m finally getting online to check my emails, read my forums and blog. It’s been a busy day and I’m glad to be home.

It started at 8am with a meeting at work. Those always go well...not. Same ‘ol stuff every month. Seems kind of pointless to have to get up at 7am on my day off, but I suck it up cause I don’t want everyone talking about me when I’m not there, lol.

After my meeting I headed to the bar, yup I said the bar. Tomorrow is my co-workers birthday and a few of us went to breakfast and had a beer. Well I drank diet coke, but in spirit it was a beer, lol. I finally left there around 11:30am or so and headed to my moms.

My mom is moving this weekend so I was helping her sort and pack some things. I also managed to pilfer through her stuff and find some things I wanted, as any good daughter would do. I mean I couldn’t leave without a box or two of new things, could I?

Then at 2:30pm I had my doctors appointment. He looked at this months temp chart and said it was pretty good. Although my temp was very up and down during my luteal phase. Also my 7dpo progesterone was only 13.43, so he doesn’t think I ovulated this cycle. Which I didn’t take the Clomid so I’m not surprised, although I did hope that it had built up in my system over the last 4 months enough to work...guess not.

I asked him about the Famara and he said that he didn’t prescribe that med and Clomid was as far as he went. So I had two choices: I could try a month on 200mg Clomid and see if that ups my progesterone level or he could refer me to the RE.

Since my insurance doesn’t cover infertility outside of medication, which they only cover at 50%, I know that most of what is done at an RE will be out of pocket. So I decided to give the 200mg a shot. If we are unsuccessful this month then I will head on to the RE. I figure I should use all the resources I can at my OB since it’s covered, that way I know I tried everything. As much as I want to be pregnant now, it’s only one more month. I think I can hold out till then.

I think tomorrow I am going to try calling the RE’s office to get a price idea. Since there is only one office in the area, and it’s actually in the next town over, I know they will have seen people with my insurance and should be able to tell me what, if anything, will be covered. I’m hoping that my office visits will at least be covered under specialist, which have a $30 co-pay. Then I can at least afford to have a chat with them, we may not be able to do anything else. But at least we can talk about it, lol.

Sweet tea is my weakness.

I’m sitting here sipping on a Sweet Tea from Mc. D’s and watching New Moon. As you can see, by the writing of this blog post, that I’m not very interested in the movie.

I’m sure you’re thinking “Why watch it then?”

Well to be honest I put it on Netflix just so I can say “yeah, I’ve seen it”. But it’s really just background noise for me today. I don’t know, maybe it’s better than the first one and I should pay more attention. But I just really am not that interested in it and didn’t really see what the big hype with it was to begin with. But to each their own I suppose.

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In other news...our Au Natural cycle wasn’t a success. In fact I’m having the same issue as last month. I had my progesterone level checked on Friday, but don’t have the results yet. I have an appointment on Wednesday and will find out then and hopefully switch to a new med. We’ll see.

I’ve been having lots of cramping and spotting since about 5dpo. Which before meant that I wasn’t ovulating and my progesterone was low. So I won’t be shocked if it comes back low. Although I had hoped that after 4 months of Clomid it would have built up in my system enough...but who knows. The worst part about TTC is the waiting game, seems like all you do is wait...wait...wait.

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My FIL’s house is done being built and he should be moving in very soon. We have been taking pictures during the whole process and I want to make a photo book for him. But I’m not sure what to call it, like what to put on the cover. The only thing I can come up with is The Bushey House 2010...is that lame? Well I’m open to all suggestions if anyone has anything better, lol.

Got to love Fortune Cookies.

Here we are, Cycle Day 1 again. I was very hopeful for last month since I had such good progesterone levels. Which means I produced an egg, I guess now we just need to give some one directions to it. To bad they don’t make GPS’ for these type of situations.

I had a doctor’s appointment on Friday, which really was a waste of time. My appointment was at 11:15 am and I was out of there by 11:30 am. He said my temp chart was textbook perfect and my progesterone showed that I had a nice strong Ovulation. He was disappointed to see my temp was dropping and said AF would be here on Sun. He was right. I am going to do another month of temps and have a progesterone level done 7dpo just to make sure the Clomid is making me ovulate every month and not every other month since last month my progesterone was only 12, but was 33 this month.

So I start another month today and will begin taking Clomid on CD 5. While going over my stats I discovered if we get pregnant this cycle my due date would be October 31st…which I think is neat since the first cycle we started taking Clomid was October 31st.

Oh, and we went out for Chinese last night and my fortune said “You will receive positive results soon” Now how's that for a great fortune, lets hope it’s right!

CD 26, 7dpo…

was yesterday. Since it was 7dpo I had another progesterone level done. I was hoping that since it was such a good number on 2dpo that it would be just as good this time.

And I was so surprised by the number I was given…33.64!

OMG that is super high! Especially since last month is was 12. I guess you can say I am no long anovulatory, well this month at least. Thank you Clomid!

I can’t wait to hear what my doctor has to say on Friday! Although I will admit that I am some what worried that he will tell me it has gotten to high, as you do run a risk of developing Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, and I may have to take a month off if were not pregnant this month. I was told of this before starting, but didn’t figure I would have to worry about it. And I’m sure I won’t, but the thought did cross my mind for a second.

So fingers crossed he doesn’t say that, or more crossed that it means were pregnant!

CD 23, 4dpo.

Do you know what this number is?

It’s my Progesterone level! I know, I need a 15 (actually some physicians state a 10 shows ovulation, but I was on 150mg of Clomid so it should be higher) but this is so close. AND it was taken on day 21 or 2dpo, which means that it should be higher in a few days as a true progesterone level is done 7dpo. On Tuesday I will go back for that level and I’m hoping that it’s even higher, which means………

I OVULATED!!!!!

Unlike last month where the doctor “thought” I ovulated, this month we have proof! I couldn’t be any more excited as I am right now. Err, scratch that, if that were an HCG level I would be a LOT more excited.

So sorry to disappoint those that thought my facebook and twitter status updates were speaking of different results. Even Mr.B texted me and asked what the good results were, so I told him. And he said “that’s not what I was expecting”.

Silly husband, does he really think I would make an announcement that big on Facebook/twitter BEFORE telling him?? Or for that matter our family. I do not plan on telling them the big news by a status update, so sorry to say you guys will probably be the last to know. Well I will probably announce it here after telling family, and before posting it on facebook. So I guess you won’t be the last to know if you’re a blog reader.

Well I’m off to read a book, have a good night. 

This is what true disappointment feels like.

I called my doctors office today for my lab results....they weren't in.

A few hours later the nurse called back and said that she does have my lab results and she gave them to the doctor who said he wants to see me tomorrow. Which I knew immediately wasn't good.

And I was right.......progesterone level equals 12.89. At least we went up, just not high enough for being on 150mg of Clomid. But I have to say that since I began spotting on Sunday I knew I was pretty much out for this month anyways, so I'm not completely crushed. but I was hoping to have at least ovulated.

I do wonder why I got a positive on the OPK though. So maybe my body did gear up to ovulate but then didn't. Like I said I had some spotting on Sunday which also contained some clots, so i wonder if I had a cyst rupture. So maybe I geared up and it turned into a cyst??? Ugh, so many questions.

So I made a few phone calls and got someone to come in for me tomorrow so I can make the appointment. Which is good since I do have so many questions. I just hope we can come up with a plan, although I think he's going to just refer me to an RE. Which I guess is good, since I obviously need some more help. But things are probably going to get very expensive from here on out. That alone is enough to make me cry.

I have Hope once again.

Remember this post?

Well for the last few days I have been taking those OPK tests each afternoon, only to be disappointed in a negative result every time. I was beginning to lose hope that the Clomid worked.

But then Sunday afternoon I took another test. And as usual I had two lines, except this time the lines were the same color! I couldn't believe my eyes so I called Mr. B in the bathroom and was like "Are these the same color"

He said "yes".

I was like "that means it's positive!!"

He said "YAY"

I was like "apparently you don't understand what that means....it means the Clomid may have worked!!"

He said "I understand, and let me say it again, YAY!!" Apparently he wasn't as excited as me. But you'd have thought it was a positive pregnancy test with as much excitement as I had so I can't blame him on that one.

But that was on cycle day 17, which means I should ovulate sometime between days 17-19. So when I have my blood draw on cycle day 21 it will still probably show low, meaning no ovulation. Which may be the case or since the day 21 level is supposed to be 7 days after ovulation, I should be drawn on Day 25 or so. So I'm wondering if maybe I have been ovulating, just late, so that's why it's always negative. Which also means that gives me a whole new problem to deal with. As that could mean my Luteal Phase is short and it wouldn't give my little eggy enough time to implant before AF shows.

But I have new found hope! When I call the doc for my lab draw I am going to ask them about this and see if maybe I should have a draw on a different cycle day as well. In the mean time lots of Baby dust and prayers are appreciated!

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It is what it is.......Part 3

Ugh...I am so frustrated right now.

In August I had my Progesterone level checked, which I told you about in this post. It was 11 then, meaning that I didn't ovulate. So I was started on Clomid 50mg on cycle days 5-9.

Then I had my knee surgery so I waited to take it until October. Then again in November, where on Day 21 I had my progesterone checked again. This time it was 8.3!

Yup that's right, it went down! I needed a 15 or higher, I prayed for a 15 or higher. I begged for a 15 or higher.

But no such luck. So even with the clomid I didn't ovulate.

So now were upping my dose to 100mg my next cycle in hopes that my numbers will rise and I will produce an egg. Just one little egg to fertilize!

I tell you infertility makes you feel like such a failure, I mean who can't produce an egg. You're born with millions of them for pete's sake. Why can't I spit one out when I need to???

So let's hope that 100mg is our friend, if not I guess it's on to 150mg.......

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